In Memoriam

Growing up, it fascinated me that my parents would always (every single day) read out loud the names of people who had died from the hatches, matches and dispatches column of the Huddersfield Daily Examiner (or, as we fondly named it, The Exaggerator - "Leaf On Line Brings Train To Standstill", and all-time favourite:

Martin Hoyle was arrested by police after a passing motorist found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with him at the side of a road in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire. Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Hoyle was being attacked by the animal but when they got closer they saw that he had his trousers round his ankles, was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind.

Another passing motorist contacted the police and Hoyle was arrested as he walked with the dog down the road. Hoyle, of Marsh, Huddersfield, told police, "I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me. He tried to rape me." He repeated the rape allegation at the police station and added, "The dog pulled my trousers down." Hoyle, who has a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency.

His barrister said Hoyle had no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed. Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle, "Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness."

But I digress...that my parents used to read out the names of the recently departed is not unusual. It turns out this happened in the households of all my friends too. How morbid, I used to think. In recent times, however, I've taken to reading the obituaries in The Guardian every day. And not just the great and the good. The Guardian encourages the general public to send in obituaries for their own dearly departed, regardless of whether they've ever graced the pages of Hello or Heat magazine, or been interviewed by Parky. I like this.

I've been moved to tears during my morning coffee in the café recently by a couple of obituaries. One was for Pat Kavanagh, the literary agent. I'd read her name many times in articles over the years, but knew very little about her. Clive James wrote a beautiful piece about a woman who was hugely admired and respected, but didn't suffer fools gladly:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/oct/21/publishing

The second is Oliver Postgate, creator of well-loved characters such as Bagpuss, The Clangers, Ivor The Engine, but also of a less well known favourite of mine, The Pogles of Pogles' Wood. Much has been written about Mr Postgate this week. Well-respected and liked, he was the kind of lovely man to create brilliantly simple cartoons and animation and imbue them with such warmth and humanity. You only have to hear that voice... Here are just some views on his work:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/dec/10/bagpuss-oliver-postgate

But one of the best was the piece written by top journalist, Charlie Brooker. Never afraid to rip the heart out of anything he thinks worthless, Mr Brooker brought a tear to my eye with his piece about King Clanger:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2008/dec/13/charlie-brooker-screen-burn-oliver-postgate

Oh, I Do Like To Rock Beside The Seaside...

As a kid, most of my holidays were spent in little B&B's, presided over by bustling landladies in pinnys and slippers. I used to listen enviously as friends told of holidays at Butlins, with its knobbly knee competitions and Redcoats. How I dreamed wistfully of such glamour...

My chance to visit Butlins for the first time came when some friends had a spare berth in their chalet for an All Tomorrow's Parties weekend to be held in Minehead. The weekend was to be curated by Mike Patton (sigh) and the Melvins. At first, I resisited. When Soulsavers announced they were playing, with the wondeful Mr Lanegan in tow, I buckled and gave in.

We drove down on Friday - me, Tabby, Nads, Chris - taking about 4 hours from London. This included a Tesco stop, so we could stock up on Pot Noodle, Jaffa Cakes and booze (essential Rock fodder). Minehead is a pretty town, nestling in tree-covered cliffs. Butlins is right on the seafront. Our chalet was perfect - a Formica home-from-home. Tom and Ulanda arrived from Whitstable and our party was complete.

Bands seen over the weekend:

• Melvins 1983 - Good way to start. Buzz Osborne's hair is as big and bouncy as ever with tunes to match.
• Dirtbombs - good tunes, but sound was a bit disappointing on the vocals.
• Isis - great drone - superb
• The Locust - wild. Men in insect outfits playing what can only be described as post-punk-jazz-doom-John -Wyndham-core (creating new genres became a fave pastime of the weekend...)
• Meat Puppets - the Kirkwoods done good.
• Os Mutantes - ohmifuckinggod! How to describe - psych-meets-samba-meets-circus-freakery all done with a beaming smile. Brilliant but odd.
• Butthole Surfers - I have a crush (one of my many) on Gibby Haynes. Because he was, and is, at the forefront of making music that pushes people into places they wouldn't normally go. And he's hugely tall and does a brilliant wobbly leg move on stage. And you never know what he'll do next. Swoon.
• Mastodon - considering these guys were a guitarist down, they ROCKED that hall. Consummate metal showbiz. Superb.
• Fantomas - what to say? Mike Patton is a supremely talented individual with an amazing voice. He's joined by an equally amazing line-up - Buzz on guitar, Trevor Dunn on bass, and Dave "Slayer" Lombardo on drums. And they performed the Director's Cut, an album of film orchestration done in metal-thrash style, but often staying faithful in parts to the original. They were simply breathtaking.
• Martina Topley-Bird - lovely voice, lovely frock.  A real breath of sweet air amongst all the Heavy. Did a cover of one of my fave Kate Bush songs Army Dreamers. Didn't murder it either.
• Teenage Jesus & The Jerks - Lydia being Lydia. Jim Sclavunos - yes please. Immaculate drumming and not a man boob in sight under that shirt which got slowwwwly opened button by button. The tease.
• Soulsavers - oh, Mr Lanegan. If only you knew what your voice does to me. I waited up until 2am to see this and he was worth the wait. Nice use of gospel voices too. Lovely.
• James "Blood" Ulmer - saw this cool old blues dude a while back at the Barbican with Vernon Reid and the Punk Funk Allstars. Still got those blues...
• Joe Lally - please, if there is a God, let Fugazi reform. Joe has a sweet voice and plays that bass like an angel. Although all this solo stuff didn't quite hit it, some of the tunes were real growers.

Other highlights included:

• Me being chased by a huge, bearded man (who became known as Treebeard), who insisted that "I only want to touch her" to my doubled-up-with-laughter friends. I had to actually RUN away from him in the venue.
• When the car radio wouldn't work, I said it might if I blew on it, which caused much cynicism. So I blew on it...and it worked. Magic.
• Lovely walk on the seafront
• Seeing Mike Patton up close and realising that he really is still GORGEOUS.

And that's about it. We drove back on Sunday evening (work beckoning - I hate that work rubbish...gets in the way of a good time...). Back next May for the Breeders ATP. Hi-De-Hi!