That's right. It's me. Holding a baby.
Last time I tried this, I'm told by the parents of the little girl baby I had a hold of that she'd never cried quite as much before. Absolutely bawled her eyes out. Gained me the nickname Wicked Witch Of The North (could have been the pin I stuck in her from under my velvet cloak *laughs in manner of evil pantomime villain*).
When my dear pal Smiff told me she'd managed to get herself up the duff, I was utterly thrilled. My little mate had a wonderful man, a sweet little house, wanted for nothing. Except the patter of those tiny plates of meat. Then, along came Riley to make their life complete.
I warned my old pal well in advance. Honesty being far too important to me, I'd have a job on pretending if the cruel hand of Fate dealt her an ugly mite. What a bloody relief. He appeared and he wasn't a gargoyle in the slightest, but rather cute, right from the off, not remotely Winston Churchill at all. I didn't even have to lie.
Daft amount of cute in one human.
He's going to have a lovely life, wee Riley. The lucky little blighter, he's been born into a happy house, with two of the kindest, most warm-hearted people I know for parents. He'll be talked to properly, know his place, not get ideas above his station, and certainly not think the world revolves round him (ok, well maybe a bit). What's even better is, that although they're a right pair of softies, they won't put up with any nonsense and he'll have a strict upbringing (when discussing what Riley will be calling grandparents "nana", "granny" etc, Marc said he expected to be called "Sir" by his son - he was only half-joking).
"Don't bloody drop me, Sir."
And my life advice for the wee fella? I'd probably tell him "well, mate, some shit stuff will happen, but loads of good stuff too. Don't act like a knob, or you'll have me to answer to. Be nice to your Mum and Dad - you only get one actual set, and yours are a pair of gems", and many other excellent pearls of wisdom. But I might save my words for a few years yet. He's too busy thinking about breasts at the moment (one thing unlikely to change with the coming years).
