Folking Wankipedia

It's been a funny old night. I arranged to meet up with Bernie and Kieran for a night at The Local in Crouch End. Never fails to be a laugh, music is always decent. Kieran and I were first to arrive, and god knows how, we get onto some discussion about whether doctors abuse their power (do NOT read on, Mr Green , my oldest friend and newly qualified quack - we're not tarring you with any of this...). Mr McG reckons he once had a bad cough as a kid, and the family doctor did some sort of test which involved sticking two fingers up his bum (I am absolutely laughing my head off as I write this). Neither of us are sure what said Doc ascertained from this, but it seems a sketchy thing to do and I plan to do a bit of research myself...not sticking fingers up bums, just finding out if this is a normal procedure, thanks very much.

Luckily, at this point Bernie turns up to turn the conversation away from anal investigations... She's driven over, as she's suffering some huge hangover. We get more drinks and head downstairs. And the probing gets brought up again...at this point, there is mention of the time Wardy emailed me to say he nearly crashed his Uncle's car whilst listening to some story about Prince and an act known as 'frottage'. I'm a bit vague on the terminology, so rely on my old friend Google to help out. And there, right at the top is 'FROT" on Wikipedia. So, I click on it. Imagine the hysteria when the following picture pops up on my iPhone screen:

This is how you 'FROT'

In case you're not sure what you're looking at, you can read all about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frot

I hope that clears this up. Sounds like a little innocent heavy petting to me. Not sure why it gives you green hair and pubes, though...

Anyoldways, it's hard (oo-er, stop it, missus) to concentrate on the first act, cos we're laughing too much. Then Steve J and Jo turn up and it's always bound to descend further...and it does. Once the 'frot' art is out there, Steve counters with a couple of pictures he's taken from the toilet walls at a Mexican restaurant on Upper St, Islington (and bear in mind, someone commissioned this 'art'):

Exhibit A, m'Lord

Exhibit B, your honour

Honest to goodness, I'm not sure where to look first. But I would like to draw the reader's attention to some key action:

Sombrero dude's face on right, vibrancy of the lady parts, dude weeing on left (exhibit A)

Death getting a blow job, whilst smoking a cigar and holding a bottle of grog (exhibit B)

Oh, and by the way, during all this hilarity, we saw a blinding set by Alex Highton (he sings in a regional Northern accent - hooray!), accompanied for part of his set by the double bass genius of Jonny Bridgewood and drumming of Mr Howard Monk. Even Alex dissolves into laughter at one point as he witnesses his own set descend into free-jazz-folk...Alex is followed by the very wonderful Oh Ruin with full band, which is good stuff too.

But award for best act of the evening goes to the appearance of the illustration accompanying "FROT" on Wikipedia. Truly a 'hard' act to follow (stop with those Carry On sex puns RIGHT NOW, young lady...)